I used to laugh, but now I've become...

Superstar athletes are famous for their superstitious quirks and rituals. Tennis is no exception. Kissing a lucky ball or not stepping on the lines during changeovers are common practice. The bigger the star though, the weirder the behaviour, like Rafa's to-the-millimeter placement of water bottles in relation to his chair and alignment of the cosmos, and Roger's continued devotion to his longtime plain-faced girlfriend (I still love you Mirka, but c'mon, Roger's #1.). Well I used to mock, but now, although certainly not a star of their caliber, I at least accept their odd behaviour for what it is. Still, you won't see me doing shit like that, whether I make it big or not!

So my next provincial tournament is only days away. I was anxious to get my match start time, but I didn't want to seem too eager by calling right at 9am (overanxiousness is bad luck), so I called at 9:17am. Calling after 10am has also brought me unfavourable results in the past. Tonight, I'll be picking out my match shirt and shorts combo. Overly matched outfits are generally bad luck, so I'll be looking to mix it up a bit. Ultimately though, my winning attire depends on who my opponent is, his height, race, and favourite movie. So, to be safe, I'll bring a couple of shirts to the dressing room, and sneak a peak at the guy just before the match. I'll also get one of my associates to strike up a conversation with him about movies and relay the info to me.

In the morning before heading out I'll make my drinks. 90 parts water (brita filtered the night before to allow for evaporation of floride, chilled just below room temperature at 13 degrees celcius), 9 parts lemon (organic), 1 part maple syrup (pure maple syrup, tapped from the finest Maples in lower Canada, dating back to Samuel De Champlian himself). I'll mix it all in two 500ml plastic bottles, used no more than on two prior occassions (they're made with P.E.T.E...that stuff will kill ya if it breaks down). As for my woman and alcohol regimen before matches...I stand by my trusted get it when you can approach! Sure, I've been beaten by weaker opponents who swear that abstaining from sex and alcohol improves tennis performance...but I ask them, are the rumours really worth it?

Now, you may be thinking why at no point did it occur to me to actually book some practice time this week before the tournament? Pfff, amateurs. Practice may make you better at tennis, but it won't get you in the win column! You'll see.